Feeling the Love … or not
If you are or ever have been in a romantic relationship of 12 months or more, you will most likely have experienced changes over that time in your levels of desire, passion, and libido. It is well researched and talked about that this is a normal transition in a relationship from the intense, hypnotic, giddy early days of limerance to the more stable, reliable, consistent state that additional years bring. There is a plethora of variations and complexity to what a relationship might look like but regardless of our linkages, we often find ourselves torn between wanting the committed, trustworthy, reliable relationship yet yearning for the mysterious, adventurous, spontaneous coupling that makes us feel alive and free. They seem exclusive but can we have both? Knowing this about relationships can help us to ward off complacency and the boredom of routine and sameness that often seeps into our relationship in the medium to long-term. There are things you can do to help with reconnecting with your partner/s:
Relate with your loved one/s with intent.
Enjoy not knowing everything about your partner.
Have interests outside the relationship and independent of each other to develop more ‘unknowns’ and imbue that sense of mystery.
Develop a curiosity about them.
Inject fun into your relationship.
This is not a one way street however. It requires all parties to honour the importance of prioritising the relationship and communicating with each other about how they are experiencing aspects of it, their concerns, their hopes and the future they want. This can be a difficult thing to do after many years of not connecting in this way. Ask for support from family and friends or seek the help of a relationship’s counselor to assist with these conversations.
Sometimes people are misaligned in their hopes and dreams for the relationship. Perhaps complacency in the relationship is too deeply set with no desire or energy to make the necessary adjustments, or even the cost implications (financial and emotional) of separation are deemed too great to risk making fundamental changes towards the possibility of a happier alternative. If all parties in the relationship recognise and accept that they have grown too far apart and they no longer feel supported to be the best version of themselves, they may realise that the best path forward is separation. If relationship counseling has not helped the couple to reconnect and want the relationship, efforts can be directed to a respectful, amicable separation with support from others encouraged. Empathy and compassion for all involved will allow for change to be less distressing. Ask for professional support as needed.