Prioritising the ‘Big Rocks’

I often talk with clients about their ‘Big Rocks’. What are the key things in your life that bring you meaning and fulfillment? It is an extension of the analogy of having to fit large rocks, smaller rocks and sand, into a jar. If we fill the jar with the sand first, followed by the smaller rocks, it is unlikely that all of the big rocks will fit.
It’s the same with our lives. If we constantly respond and give time to the less important (to us), but loud, or annoying, or irritating things (the sand and the smaller rocks); we find that we feel like we are chasing our tails and not achieving anything and feeling very frustrated, stressed and disconnected.
What are your ‘Big Rocks’? The clients I see are usually nominating the relationship with their partner as one of their ‘Big Rocks’. It is something that, if going well, gives them contentment, joy and fulfillment. It won’t happen by itself though. Relationships need nurturing. They require thought, review and intentional actions.
Other ‘Big Rocks’ might be the relationship we have with our children or other family members. It might be our health, our hobby or our work. Regardless, these things that are essential to our being (and are very personal and unique), need to be firstly identified, then require time, planning and follow through to prioritise them.
Some ideas and examples:
• I want a good relationship with my partner/s. Spend time reviewing the week with your partner. Tell them what support they gave that meant the most. Go on date nights. Keep them front of mind – check in with how they are feeling. Bring home flowers, wine, dinner … just because.

• I want to feel connected with my children. Volunteer at your child’s school, have their friends over, watch their sport, play board games with them, go on adventures regularly (camping, bike riding, going to different parks). Invite them for weekend lunch if you have adult children. Suggest going to a market together, an art gallery, op shop.

When we are clear about the things that matter the most to us, it is easier to say “No” (to ourselves or others) when we are asked to use our time in other ways that compete with our big rocks and are less important. When we prioritise those things which give our lives meaning, we feel aligned with who we are and we capture that elusive feeling of contentment and bliss.

If you are or ever have been in a romantic relationship of 12 months or more, you will most likely have experienced changes over that time in your levels of desire, passion, and libido.

I recently read an article by Esther Perel (my favourite ‘Relationship Philosopher’ as she terms herself), about Eroticism. Her definition is beautiful: “… qualities of vitality, curiosity and spontaneity that makes us feel alive… moments of happenstance that knock our routines”.

September 4 is World Sexual Health Day (WSHD). What a great opportunity to talk about all things sexuality and sexual health.

2023 is the Year of the Water Rabbit in the Chinese Astrology charts. If you are the sort of person who is guided by Chinese Astrology, then this is your advice.

The end of the year is fast approaching and often we find ourselves reviewing the last 12 months and assessing if it was a good year for us. Did we prioritise the important relationships in our life?

What is your sexual identity? What is your gender identity? Have you ever thought about either very much? What does monogamy mean to you? What about exclusivity?

What does it mean to us to be intimate with someone? What does it mean to make love? Have sex? Get our rocks off? Are they all talking about the same thing?